Disclaimer: A quick update -- formal blog entry to be up in about a week or so. Please excuse this dull entry. I just had many letters wondering my status so I took a few minutes to type the following. This is a no-frills entry...I will have a more concrete, rich entry up very shortly as I stated ----
I have a responsibility to keep all updated on my progress since I started this blog. The truth of the matter is that I have not been very motivated. So I spent the past year overseas and just in November, I returned back to the USA to live with my parents. Oh great, mom and dad have their kid back. I feel like an asshole because I get annoyed with them but they are truly loving parents and I have put them through shit.
I detoxed off of suboxone using poppy pod tea and I was good until September. I then found morphine and started to shoot up for a while. I had a great opportunity in Europe but I screwed that up. A shame really, all that hard work gone in a matter of weeks. I came back to the states in a familiar state. Broken, ashamed, lifeless, loveless, and wanting to end it all. I am just sick of this cycle.
As soon as I returned home, my parents kept me on full lockdown. I still managed to be in a new city and state I never lived in and somehow, I got heroin delivered to my parents home. Really, where there is a will there is a way. If I want drugs, I can score. Not anything to be proud of.
My parents insisted I get back on subs and I caved in. The truth is I am scared to be on them long term but the doctor I see now has explained to me that he was an addict who a decade of clean time. Suboxone helped him back then and now he is helping other addicts.
Believe me, if suboxone got me high or happy, I would never have stopped taking it. I stopped taking it because I don't want to be chained to any meds, but at this point, I am relapsing heavy and I could die.
My plan now is to be on subs for about 2/3 months and then kick for good. I have obtained a job which I work 6 days a week, long hours. That keeps me sober and not thinking about drugs. I have only been on subs about 3 weeks, new job 2 weeks.
I am so against sub but if it is keeping me sober and I obviously cannot do it by myself, then why should I not chose the lesser of two evils?
Heroin addiction odds are stacked against the user. But I don't plan to be on the losing side. Its a humble struggle but one that can be overcome. I have done it before. Anyone can kick dope. Staying off of dope separates the mice from men. God bless and please keep your questions coming, both private and public. I love to answer anything on your mind.
